Reflections.......

I have been trying to work out why I don't get as much done as I used to a few years back and then it came to me! I work for four hours every afternoon and that kills my day for me. Work is necessary to pay the mortgage so there is no going back but I am going to have to re-structure my days and my attitude to them. There is going to have to be a more positive attitude to actually doing! When I'm in teaching mode and I have one if not two classes coming up every week I can get really stuck in producing samples and writing hand outs and I get it all done on time and usually with enjoyment. So why is it that as soon as I have a couple of months or so away from the discipline of teaching do I fall apart? Where is all the work that I was going to do for me? Where are the experimental pieces and the trials of different techniques? I'll tell you where...in my head! Because I have no deadline, no approaching performance, where I'll be in the spotlight and will have to succeed or fail by my earlier efforts, there is no feeling of urgency. In fact there is instead an insidious feeling of endless time with the summer stretching ahead of me, and in complete contrast to that a hidden thought that with not much immediate time at my disposal each day is it worth even starting! It's as if because I can't spend the whole day doing things my brain has a spoilt brat moment and refuses to do anything. So how can I overcome this? I know that once I get started routine will kick in and I'll be fine but its taking that one step to get started. So I'm going to start by writing down and thinking about some things I want to do. If it's in black and white I will have a beginning. And then I will map it out from there so that I have guide posts along the way. In this way when I get sidetracked and slip back into my un-productive ways I'll have a route to follow and I won't wallow in indecision. Because it's not that I don't have ideas nor that I'm not bursting with creativity..that's no problem...its the lazy gene in me that has to have the perfect setting to work in and short periods of time don't do it for me when there is no push from outside. So tomorrow after I've been to a meeting for Adult Education tutors in the morning and had coffee with a friend in the afternoon, I shall make plans. I will be organised while still leaving room for happy accidents! I'm going to start by printing some more pictures onto fabric and this time I'm going to make sure that the *%$"*^ Espsom printer works for me! I bought it to use for just this purpose and I'll make it work if I dye in the attempt! Well perhaps not so drastic but on those lines! And hopefully I'll
be able to crack it and make the time I have work for me rather than the other way around.